The Four Agreements Are Powerful Concepts We Can Use To Sustain Our Lives, Cultivate Our Associations With Others, And Promote Our Joy.
Have you come across the book The Four Agreements? The Four Agreements by Ruiz are amazing rules we can use to sustain our lives, enhance our relationships, and boost our happiness and well-being.
These are Ruiz's The Four Agreements.
The First Agreement: Always be Impeccable With Your Word.
This translates to staying away from gossip, untruths, empty commitments and other manners we cause problems with our words. Articulate only what you mean, and realize that you can create harm if you're not cautious with every word you say.
This is a great advice. Lots of individuals don't realize the potential of their words and see the damage that can be caused with speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly or harshly. The majority of us are aware that shouting at someone may be distressing to them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip behind their backs, can negatively affect other folks more than we realize, and in hurting them, we distress ourselves.
The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.
This 'agreement' covers understanding how other people's behaviors are a reflection of them only. Every time somebody gives us feedback about us, it's vital to keep in mind that no opinions are truly objective; we all have our biases, 'filters' through which we view the universe, and the like. For this, we shouldn't take anyone else's feedback of us or our actions as entirely correct; whenever someone says a specific thing about us (or anything else), they're actually saying something about their very selves and how they view the world.
This is excellent instruction for making us feel better, but take it with a grain of salt. While everybody has their biases and there is no such thing as complete objectivity, by never taking anything personally, people can actually limit their ability to see their own negative patterns and biased thinking, and work on developing more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking.
The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.
An awful lot of stress is created when people assume they know what other persons are thinking without checking with them. Understanding that other people might have different motivations for their actions, even drastically varying world perceptions, and remembering to really try to understand others and examine these motivations before going to conclusions about their behavior, can go a long way toward avoiding interpersonal conflict.
However, taking this advice to an extreme may cause people to pay no attention to their intuition with regards to people, or common sense regarding someone's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation once they train themselves to believe someone's explanation of undesirable behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own. (For example, not 'assuming' they're being cheated on if their partner is manifesting erratic behavior and the common signs of unfaithfulness, but vehemently denies wrongdoing.) This one is a useful suggestion, but should be tempered by inner wisdom and common sense.
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
By this, Ruiz means to do the best you can at any given occasion, and you'll have no regrets. Some days, your best will not be as good as other days, and that's okay. As long as you put honest effort into life, you will have nothing to be ashamed of, and will never 'beat yourself up' over a less-than-stellar performance in retrospect.
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Everything we do is based on agreements we have made. In The Four Agreements, created by best selling author don Miguel Ruiz, we tell ourselves who we are, what everyone else is, how to act, what is possible, and what is impossible.
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